


Tangled Thoughts

by ionlywritefree



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: A little bit of angst, Anxiety, Autistic!Yuuri, Fluff, Gen, Stimming, Yuuri also has an anxiety disorder, Yuuri reveals that he's autistic, and he's nonbinary!, this is all canon trust me
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-27
Updated: 2016-10-27
Packaged: 2018-08-27 07:46:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,878
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8393143
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ionlywritefree/pseuds/ionlywritefree
Summary: Yuuri leaves one of his stimming toys in his bag. Yuri and Viktor discover it.





	

**Author's Note:**

> This is centered around Autistic Yuuri because autistic characters are the best! I unfortunately have never owned a tangle but they look amazing!
> 
> (Yuuri goes by he/him pronouns at the time this fic is set at)

Yuuri Katsuki wasn't ashamed to be who he was. He's had many years to get used to his diagnosis, after all. He never thought it was as big of a deal as others made it out to be.

"But you don't look autistic."

"I never would've guessed!"

"Really? Wow! That's... that's... uhh..."

Apparently everyone else thought it was unbelievable or unfortunate, so he avoided telling people he was autistic. That included Viktor, and Yuri, and every other new skater he met. He didn't tell anyone about anything. They didn't need to know. Who knows how they would react, especially with Yuri disliking him already and Viktor's blunt insensitivity.

But despite his autism not being 'obvious', it was getting increasingly difficult to pay attention and act like a neurotypical. When Viktor would guide Yuuri and Yuri through their Agape and Eros routines, he got distracted easily because he was focusing too much on trying to stay still and look at Viktor's face intently... Which would be a distraction for anyone, really, whatever neurotype they had.

"Yuuri? You still with us?" Viktor asked for the hundredth time, making him snap out of his daze and blush as they both stared at him. He could hear Yuri huff impatiently.

"Yes, yes, sorry," Yuuri said quickly, tapping his fingers against his legs.

"Stop fantasizing, some of us actually want to do well," Yuri mumbled condescendingly. Yuuri didn't bother replying to the moody fifteen-year-old.

As Viktor continued to talk and give them advice, Yuuri started to tap each of his fingers at his sides, finding it better to concentrate this way. He noticed Yuri was glancing suspiciously at him, but his ability to give a damn about what the kid thought of him decreased.

"You got it this time, Yuuri?" Viktor asked after he was done speaking. Yuuri wasn't sure if he was making fun of him or was genuinely curious.

"Yes!" Yuuri said, nodding with determination. He could skate to Eros. It was difficult, yes, but he could do it. If only he had something to think of. Sexual love wasn't exactly his area of expertise.

;

He really should have left his bag in his locker. But he absent-mindedly dropped it right outside of the ice rink before Viktor started a conversation with him. Now a certain blond fifteen-year-old was walking past the open bag, stopping for a few seconds to glance down at it before Viktor interrupted him, urging him to change his clothes and put on his skates before stepping out into the rink. Yuri cursed the older Yuuri for carelessly leaving his things around for anyone to stumble on, and left for the locker room.

Viktor brought his attention to Yuuri, and began talking through some of the jumps he wanted to see Yuuri do. Yuuri nodded and started to glide across the ice, completely immersing himself in his element. Viktor's words of praise and comments of improvement only motivated him further, and he soon felt the glorious sensation of flying. He hadn't left the ice, of course, but it was as if he grew soft, light wings that guided him across the rink effortlessly. If he were asked to describe bliss, this would be it.

"Great job, Yuuri! Keep going!" Viktor shouted, and Yuuri prepared himself for another jump.

Ice skates in hand, Yuri strolled out of the locker room and noticed that Yuuri was already starting to practice. 'Of course,' he thought bitterly, 'he just doesn't know when to stop.'

Yuri's leg hit something hard and his heart jumped out of his chest as he struggled to regain his balance. Ah, yes. That moron's bag had not been moved, and he was so distracted by watching Viktor and Yuuri that he forgot to look where he was going. Yuri had knocked the bag over, some of its contents spilled on the floor. Normally he would step over the belongings, but something caught his eye.

It was a strange object. It looked like a plastic tube that was bended out of proportion in various directions. The object was as blue as the sky, and if Yuri didn't know better, he'd say this was a children's toy. But Yuuri was eight years his senior, way too old to be playing with toys. He didn't have any kids, and Yuri doubted this belonged to the triplets, since it was in Yuuri's bag, after all.

Curiosity peaking, Yuri kneeled down and picked it up. This was the exact moment in which Yuuri peered across the rink, noticing him snooping through his stuff and holding the one thing he tried to hide. That's when Yuuri's wings evaporated into the chilly air, and he fell.

Yuuri felt a rush of panic as his side hit the hard ice, but it wasn't because of the sudden pain. He heard Viktor skate towards him. "That was one of the worst jumps I've ever seen," he said casually, like he did with all his insults.

Yuuri used his arms to push himself up rapidly, although he was still half on the freezing ground. His eyes, wide with anxiety, met Yuri's, which were surprisingly just as big. There was a moment where Yuuri was desperately hoping that whatever expression on his face he was making clearly said "Put that back and don't mention it ever again". For a split second, Yuri seemed to understand. He tossed it back into his bag and quickly walked away to put his skates on. Yuuri was so relieved he hardly even noticed that Viktor grabbed his hand and was now pulling him up.

Yuuri, slipping a little, crashed into Viktor's chest when he stood up. Yuuri knew his whole face was red without even looking at himself, and his instincts were to take flight and get himself out of this embarrassing situation. But all he could do was hope Viktor wouldn't make this more awkward.

"You good?" Viktor asked cheerfully, his face lighting up as it usually did. "You're a very nice person to hug, by the way. You're soft and warm, like a big pillow!"

Yep, he made things more awkward. Despite feeling his heart flutter at Viktor's words, Yuuri pushed himself away from him, resisting the overwhelming urge to stim. "I'm fine, thank you."

Yuri glided gracefully towards them, his usual resting bitch face on. "Ah! Yurio!" Viktor exclaimed.

He opened his mouth to say something else, but Yuri interrupted him. "Don't call me that!"

Yuuri breathed deeply, smiling faintly. Perhaps Yuri did have a soft side, and he wouldn't mention what he saw in his bag.

"What are you looking at?" Yuri snapped, making Yuuri jump a little in surprise. Whatever soft side Yuri may have, it was deep, deep down, and he wasn't going to show it unless it was absolutely necessary. Which was fine. As long as he kept quiet, Yuuri didn't care what he did.

;

Yuuri stepped off the rink at the opposite side of where he had gone in. Yuri also followed him, which made Yuuri abruptly remember that his bag was not here. Filled with adrenaline again, he rushed past Yuri and headed to the other end of the rink- where he discovered that someone had already found his bag.

Viktor was leaning against the wall, the very thing he was trying to hide in his hands as he bended it in various directions. Yuuri's mouth dropped open, unsure of how to react. Viktor looked up, grinning widely as Yuuri wanted to disappear right then and there.

"Hello, Yuuri!" He said happily. "This is a great puzzle you've got here! I'm not quite sure how to solve it, though!"

'It's not a puzzle,' Yuuri thought to himself, 'It's one of my stimming toys. It's called a tangle and it helps me concentrate. It also reduces anxiety. I didn't want to show you because I was afraid you'd be judgmental.'

Unfortunately, Yuuri didn't have enough energy to explain his situation calmly and logically. All he could do was emit a strange sounding squeak.

Viktor fiddled with the tangle a bit more before pausing and talking to Yuuri again. "This is some sort of Japanese puzzle thing, right? I'm not too sure. I've never seen these in Russia."

Yuuri finally found his voice- it was soft, weak, and a little high-pitched. He hated it, but it was there. "I-it's called a tangle. It's a stimming toy."

His last words were so quiet that Viktor asked him to repeat himself. Blushing madly, Yuuri obeyed.

"It's a stimming toy. It helps me concentrate and it... feels nice. I'm autistic."

There was a minute of silence in which Viktor's poker face did not give away any hints to his thoughts. Yuuri's anxiety rose considerably, but he made his body as still as he possibly could.

"So... this isn't a puzzle?"

Yuuri sighed. "No, Viktor."

"Ah, okay," Viktor says slowly, as if he is processing Yuuri's words. "So you're autistic and this helps you concentrate?"

Yuuri nodded.

"Then why haven't you used it?"

It sounded like such an innocent question. As if the answer could be so simple. Yuuri almost laughed at Viktor's ignorance.

"No wonder you've been so distracted lately; I was wondering if there was something on your mind. Obviously you can't use it while you're skating, but why not when I'm teaching you?"

Yuuri's thoughts and less than pleasant experiences over the years flew through his mind, and it was so overwhelming he wasn't sure where to begin. "Uh... I wasn't sure how you'd react..."

"Oh, Yuuri..." Viktor smiled sweetly, running his long fingers through the other's dark hair. "Anyone who doesn't accept you for who you are isn't worth your time. But I do wish you would have told me sooner, for some accommodations. Anything else you need to share with me? Disabilities? Mental illnesses? Secret lovers?"

This time, Yuuri couldn't help but wildly flap his hands. Every bit of personal information flooded his mind.

Autistic.

Bisexual.

Anxiety disorder.

Nonbinary.

"I have a lot of anxiety..." Yuuri mumbled, unable to look at Viktor when he admitted that.

Viktor nodded. "Your anxiety may not be able to go away completely, but I can help you gain enough confidence to lessen the effects."

Yuuri was so involved in the conversation that he hardly noticed Yuri about to walk past. "Let's start with you stimming without fear. Hey, Yuri!"

Yuri stopped in his tracks, but did not reply. Yuuri wasn't completely sure what Viktor was getting at until he spoke again. "Yuuri's autistic, so he's going to be stimming a lot during training."

Yuri rolled his eyes. "I don't care what he does. I'm not going to go any easier on him."

"I don't expext you to," Yuuri replied, very relieved that he didn't mock him.

"Does that put you a bit more at ease?" Viktor asked, holding out the tangle for Yuuri. "As a coach, it's my job to ensure that you can express yourself and learn in your own way. No one will make fun of you, I promise."

Yuuri felt his wings start to grow once more at Viktor's words, and even Yuri's nonchalant attitude. Yuuri was sure he could fly to heaven and back. He accepted the tangle from Viktor's open hands and smiled.


End file.
